More Education News
Pudding Norton College (picture taken from Prospectus, and still of that stately home outside Bridgend) has brought in a new senior prep tutor. Students are to be chained to their desks and forced to recite 'Pi is seven' until they sincerely believe it. After this, Sergei Ivanov, formerly senior torturer with the KGB will alternately boil and freeze them until they are able to sing the school song without any errors. They will then be forced to praise the school before the inspectors, who are also due this term. Apparently HMI have been getting a bit suspicious about the disappearance of the last lot. Nothing can be proved, however, as the Games Master, Mr. H. O. Gre ground their bones to make his bread. Bone meal being cheaper than bread.First Master, Baron von Ztrongharm has assured HMI that their inspectors will be treated courteously, and has appointed Saddam Hussein and the former Iraqi Minister of Information to the team preparing to receive them.
posted by The Green Man | 1:58 pm
2 Comments:
Oh those fortunate youngsters. So one has to be boiled and frozen in order to have the lungs for the school song? The female went to a college like that. As I recall the school song started off at a tangent and kept going up the scale like a wayward tennis ball until it finally landed in some soggy depth. The only people who could master it were the composer's three small children, and this only in a strained stance of pulling on the fingers of each hand with the fingers of the other, propelling the terrible force generated over the breastbone. The college was supposed to send some of the students on tour to sing this all over the country, and recruit more students under its moving strains: but only this man and his wife and his three small children were fit to represent the college by virtue of the voice propulsion system which had to be learned in the formative years apparently. You can imagine that the tour wasn't as succesful as it had been hoped for when one of the little ones fainted away under the moving strains.
They have to be tortured in order to get them to say anything nice about the school.
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