Pudding Norton College: Sports

Competitive sports are encoraged at Pudding Norton College, and this the inspectors initially praised, until it was found that the sports master, Bull Stafford was pitting students against each other in the boxing ring for the affections of certain disreputable young ladies. Rivets and knuckle-dusters were used in some of these gladiatorial bouts, which were open to the public, with beer being sold by the college. Since this was the notorious Old Mill Special Brew Beer, this was another demerit.
The sports teams were well organised, with the teams being overseen by one Joachim Schmitt, formerly a trainer with the East German Olympic team. However, the Inspectors decided that the school's interpretation of the term 'Sports Science' was incorrect, and that the administration of performance enhancing drugs to the school teams was not acceptable. Equally, the paying of hitmen to incapacitate rivals was considered a serious breach of fair play, as did the kidnapping of mascots and coaches, which was widespread, with the senior team acting as enforces for the lower teams, nor the seduction of leading players from other schools, causing them to break their training.

It was also decided that the competitive emphasis of the College's sports programme had been taken too far when the Inspectors discovered a gladiatorial contest in a large arena, with various senior boys battling under the cheering eyes of the college students and staff. Those who participated were granted the favours (I shall say no more) of the prettier senior girls, while the Head Master sat in the seat of Caesar, with the power to order life or death.